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| photo by kyrani kanavaros |
This was in my inbox last week.
Hi Dave & Tamara,
A little while ago Aurora asked me if
she could have a play date with Beckett sometime. We would be very happy to
arrange this, if you and Beckett are interested. Aurora is trying to make a few
more friends in her class, and when I asked her which kids are the nicest, she
mentioned Beckett. I hope that you'll consider arranging something with us.
Thanks,
Lisa
When I received this e-mail I had to
pause and process my feelings. Lisa couldn’t know that by sending this e-mail
she was opening up five years of feelings and fears. Yes, it’s just a simple invitation to play but this is different
– it’s the first time a “typical” child has asked my son to do something. In my world, this is huge.
When Beckett was just days old, I would
stay up late with him asleep in my arms, fretting over whether he would have
any friends. Would he be bullied? Would other children want to play with
him? When Beckett was a few months
old I met someone who worked for the School Board, I shared my fear of high
school and they said to me “Kids with Down syndrome can be quite lonely in
school – no one wants to be best friends with the kid with Down syndrome”. Insert knife in heart here. I have
never forgotten those words. Ever. When I received Lisa’s e-mail I wanted to
cry and I secretly hoped that Aurora would feel the same way about Beckett when
they get to high school.
I hadn’t met Aurora yet and I already
loved her. Maybe it was Lisa’s
idea, maybe she instinctively knew that children with special needs usually
don’t get asked over for play dates?
I don’t care, I instantly adored Lisa for doing this.
We went for the play date yesterday
afternoon. I was over the moon. Beckett
was happy but he didn’t understand what we were doing, I tried to explain but
it didn’t really have any impact.
Aurora was waiting in the window and
when we walked in Lisa explained that she had been excited all week. Beckett took one look at Aurora’s toys,
realized he was in heaven and proceeded to play with every toy and ignore
Aurora. Very disappointing for
sweet Aurora.
My bliss turned to reality once I
realized that Beckett didn’t know how to have a play date – I found myself
explaining to everyone that he was so excited to see their toys, that’s why he
was playing on his own - Beckett would eventually want to play with Aurora
(fingers crossed). It’s challenging
because Beckett’s speech is delayed, he can communicate but not as well as a
typical five year old. It’s hard for his peers to understand him.
I found myself analyzing the situation,
is this play date going sideways because Beckett has Down syndrome or because
he’s a boy or both? He was having a good time, a really good time – by himself.
By the end of the date I realized, like
most other things, we would need to guide Beckett and get him used to the idea
of a play date. Aurora is now
coming over this week to have a play date at our house. She will meet Beckett’s sisters, I’m
sure they’ll get along great.
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| photo by kyrani kanavaros |
I have saved Lisa’s e-mail, I read it
daily. Aurora thinks Beckett is one of the nicest kids in her class. That makes
me happy. It settles my fears. Aurora is right.
